“Here Without You”
3 Doors Down. Partial lyrics to “Here Without You.” Google, https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=here+without+you+lyrics.
“I’m here without you baby
But you’re still on my lonely mind.
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.
I’m here without you baby
But you’re still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, it’s only you and me”
Right now, I am thinking of my ex. David. Our song was “Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down and it goes without saying that it’s a song I can’t listen to now either. Just looking at the lyrics. Hearing it in my head. It brings on the overwhelming sadness of my loss. My mom loved this song as well. I know that she associated it with me, in a way. Maybe I’m wrong and she thought of my dad… I don’t know. Certain songs would bring on this sadness in her face, a faraway look… This song and “Darling, Be Home Soon” by the Loving Spoonful were two. I know that “darling” was always mine. I always remember thinking, and I have mentioned this in another blog; that it was such a romantic song. I never wanted to associate it with my mom. I wanted it to be sung to me romantically, by the one. It hit me, at her funeral, that it was our song. I sang it to her over and over as I hit repeat on her little mp3 player. The lyrics and meaning slowly embedded themselves into my soul and for the first time I let myself understand what both of the songs truly meant.
Even romantically, the songs mean more than that. “Here Without You” and “Darling, Be Home Soon” are saying the same things… comfort in needing to be with the person that brings you comfort. Whether it’s your spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, daughter/son, sister… whatever it is… it’s that need to speak to, to be near those we love the most. To hear their voices… to grasp onto that undeniable need to be loved and comforted by someone who means so much and space and time and distance are too much at times, when you need that relief… the relief that comes from talking to that person who knows you better than anyone. “The Great Relief of Having You To Talk to.” They both say that. Right now, more than anything I want her, to talk to her.
I also wish I had someone to be on my side. She always was, even when I wasn’t right. She would always be honest with me but was always rooting for me. Sometimes he was… I miss him at times. Right now, a lot just because I want someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me it’s going to be okay. To let me cry, really cry and not judge me for it.
Going through this, has made me realize how much I dislike so much that is around me. All the judging, the betrayal, backstabbing… I don’t think I can truly trust anyone around me. There are a few… a few that have surprised me… I could trust them, if I would let myself. Everyone thinks that you should just dry up the tears and sadness after the allotted 3 day grieving period most jobs provide… It’s sad really, because they won’t understand until they lose someone that means so much to them…