but, darling, be home soon…
Sunday is the hardest day of them all. Sunday is the day that I would get up at 6:30 in the morning, go to my moms house and bring her over for the day. When I first moved out from my moms house, this is something we started doing on whatever day off we chose that I had off at the time. Luckily, it has typically been a Sunday and the day spent with her was always the best and what I looked forward to. We would watch “CBS Sunday Morning” with Jane Pauley because we loved the actor or actress or musician picked out for their Sunday morning profile. I can hear the opening music and Jane Pauley telling us good morning as I would start our breakfast and coffee while my mom took her spot on her couch. We would sometimes have typical breakfast foods: she loved my scrambled eggs, or we would go to Jack and the Box and get tacos. She LOVED those tacos. We were both addicted to coffee so I would either make coffee or we’d go down the street to OnCue and get it there. Just depended on whether we wanted to be lazy and get to laying on the couch or wanted to get some of our errands out of the way. WE would watch CBS Sunday Morning and then she’d say, “you ready for a nap?” and I would of course say that I was and we would sleep for an hour though I would usually let her sleep a little longer. At this point, if we didn’t get it our of the way first thing, we would head out for our errands. She didn’t drive so I would take her to the grocery store. Walmart, Crest, sometimes Walgreens if she needed to pick up a prescription for my brother. We would sometimes go to the library and pick out movies and books and then head home. We would sit and watch whatever movies we had decided on or pick up on whatever T.V. show we were binge watching. Talking, laughing, joking the entire time. We weren’t perfect and sometime she would get irritated with me or I with her but we always made up quickly. Sundays were her day to relax. Her day to get away from my brother for a bit. I cooked dinner for her as well. Sunday was always my cheat day. I didn’t care what it was she wanted, we made it. Today is Sunday. Another Sunday without her. I try not to think of the days as what they are anymore. All of them were so intertwined with her that they all hurt but Sunday is unbearable. I sleep as late as I can now and still haven’t turned on regular T.V. so it’s still Little House on the Prairie. I could care less what I eat.. I just wish I could be taken from this earth to be with her. There isn’t much point in me without her. I miss her terribly and have nothing… I had gotten permission from John Sebastian of the Lovin Spoonful who wrote, “Darling, be home soon” to name my blog that and to use the song in one of my blogs. She always would get sad when this song came on and said once when it was on that it made her think of me. She had a hard time being away from me, and I her… We had such a special friendship and I was so very lucky to have her as my best friend and mother. At the time though, I thought it was such a romantic song… and it is. A song telling your loved one that you cant wait another moment to see them, to talk with them… tell them about your day. And I didn’t understand it fully, till she died…
“But, darling, be home soon
I couldn’t bear to wait an extra minute if you dawdled
My darling, be home soon
It’s not just these few hours, but I’ve been waiting since I toddled
For the great relief of having you to talk to”
Every time I spoke with her, which was a lot during the day, every day… I had relief. No matter what I called to say, or she called to say… it was all okay. No matter how crappy my day was… Seeing her and talking with her gave me the greatest relief because I knew that she didn’t judge me. She saw me for her I really was and with some of the mistakes I have made it my life, has always loved me and been there for me. She was and always will be my best friend and mother and I miss her so much. My heart is so completely broken and I just want her back.
I am waiting for the great relief of having her to talk to…