Put on a HAPPY face…

I am not sure even where to start. Right now, I am angry and upset. I was told by someone that I needed to put on my “HAPPY Face” and making rounds for people to see me. People want to see the “old me”, the happy, outgoing, sarcastic, whimsical version of me. At this point, it seems what everyone else wants, is what matters. What “they” don’t understand is THAT person died along with her mother. That my happiness was burned along with her and now is among her ashes. My heart is broken and my soul is crushed. I barely make it through the day just breathing. Who cares that she died and she was all I had. That our relationship was more that just mother/daughter… I have always known they we were too co-dependent on one another. It has been that way since I was a little girl. I have been so attached to her, worried about her to ever be far from her. She needed me much more than a parent should ever need their child and I did what I could and it wasn’t enough. My mom was everything. Mother, sister, best friend, father, spouse, child… NO ONE GETS IT!!! All these people that are saying they “care” about me and are “worried” about me are nowhere to be seen and weren’t there before. It’s all just a bunch of words to make them feel better. We say what we need to say and do what we need to do when it looks like it matters so that way if something were to happen and someone slips off into nothingness, we can say… well I tried…